The "Motherload"

 

My 4 GREATEST blessings and an imperfect picture

    I have been on a parenting/motherhood/spiritual podcast kick for the past week. I was introduced to podcasts from a much younger co-worker at Marks & Harrison (where at one time I was the "baby" of the office) when I returned I was NOT. That took some adjusting, but Chloe had a lot to teach me, podcast being one of them. So I am a daily podcast listener. This week I listened to a podcast called "SHE" with Jordan Lee Dooley. The title was "Taking care of you while raising them." She interviewed a lady named Alli Worthington who wrote a book titled "Remaining YOU while raising THEM." I've just started listening to it on Audible but in the podcast she talks about Mom guilt. Every.single.mom that reads this blog has suffered from mom guilt and the feeling we are failing. She says modern motherhood is broken. PREACH sister!! I feel guilty for yelling at my kids, even if that's the only way I can get their attention. I can say there names in a "normal" voice 10 times and they don't hear me, but when I yell it, I get the why are you yelling at me? Because you don't hear my normal voice, but you hear this one. Then I feel bad as I'm telling them "I love you and Jesus loves you too" as they get out of the car at school as we have both cried the whole way to school that morning because I was yelling about something that didn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. I wish God had given me a gift to see into the future and how things were going to turn out. Maybe I wouldn't be this way, but that wasn't meant to be. Social media is the biggest single cause of  mom guilt. You see all these perfect smiling faces and nice clean homes and think WOW, she's got it together I want to be more like her! But how many pictures did she take before she got that perfect picture? When I do videos for the store each day rarely do I get it right on the first take. I'm spinning around the room trying to get the right light. It's ridiculous, I want it to look perfect and it never does, but "Good enough is GREAT." Did she just spend hours cleaning her house and took the picture? Because let me tell you I need to take a picture as soon as I spend hours cleaning my house after I've worked all week because the picture will last longer than the clean room!  I know I put a lot of pressure on myself and the devil gets in my head reminding me of everything I did wrong that day. I set my expectations way too high and then when I don't meet them, I'm disappointed in myself. It goes back to mental health I think, or maybe emotional health. You have to take care of your needs as well as your kids. I know I feel guilty when I do something for myself. I have let myself go so to speak for so long in my life. That when I do do something for myself I used to feel bad about it. Like I neglected the kids because I got a pedicure. I am slowly discovering that taking care of myself is just as important as taking care of their needs. Because when I feel good, then I'm in a better mood and maybe won't flip out when someone spilled something on the floor I just mopped. 

    In today's society if you do something for yourself there is a stigma of "shame on you"  because you didn't have your kids with you or you didn't do something with/for them. Let me tell you I have taken Noah with me so many times to get a pedicure that the 19 month old knows to take your shoes off and put your feet in the water. It's embarrassing really. I've also learned that when I am overstimulated is when I tend to yell more and get anxious. I have learned to identify it for what it is and maybe go somewhere quiet for a little bit (i.e. my she shed - where I am currently writing this blog) and just take a couple deep breaths. I think mom's need to learn to communicate their needs more effectively to their spouses. I am doing MUCH better at telling Garrett what I need from him instead of getting mad and expecting him to just know. I mean I am his wife shouldn't he just know what I need him to do 😏? But men don't think that way (most of them don't anyway) I can't expect him to be a mind reader any more than I can read his mind. In the podcast she talked about how our generation spends more time actively parenting our children than those moms from 40-50 years ago. June Clever sent her kids to public school and outside to play until the street lights came on on the weekend. I'm not negating moms from that time frame, I'm 42 years old, so my mom falls into that timeframe and I'm sure she had her own mom guilt as well. But so many moms homeschool their kids these days, God bless you! So many moms work outside of the home these days, God bless you too! This is a different time we are raising our kids in. I absolutely wish life was "simpler" like back then and I could send my kids outside without worrying if someone was going to kidnap them and sell them into sex trafficking or try to give them drugs disguised as candy.  Let's do better to not feel bad that we made frozen chicken nuggets and Kraft mac and cheese for dinner. They were fed and nourished (and probably loved it more than an elaborate meal) and THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS!  So I see you momma! I'm right here in the trenches with you! In fact, when most of my friends are done raising kids, I'll still have Noah to raise and hopefully by then I will get it right. Show yourself some grace! You're doing a great job! Those kids love you and God handpicked you to be their momma. Some days you are going to rock it and some days you might yell the whole way to school. Ask them to forgive you and try to do better. Nobody is perfect, neither are the kids, ha! You got this! Remember, Mary Poppins was the nanny, not the momma and did Superwoman even have kids? Much love to you all!

Wishing you sunny skies and green pastures,

McKession